alison’s guide to christmas
i’m not being festive because i’m moving so you have to do it for me
Even though I’m busy with a life transition which allows me to do something I’ve wanted to do for a while, I must confess I’m a little bummed about not being able to decorate my apartment this year in its festive dressings. I love Christmas. I love decorations! I love the coziness! I had drafted a whole plan to make cookie boxes with spiced nuts and caramels for some friends and family (which I ended up scrapping because you know, I’m moving. My dad has booked the truck at his retired-person part-time gig, the rental car place, and the dates we got were December 21 and 22. You do what you gotta do). I have all of my favourite Christmas movies on DVD. I bought a new Christmas novella in October, which was my only early concession (I love Christmas but it doesn’t start till December, with the exception of the acute COVID years, where it started whenever I needed some damn mini-lights in my life).
I’ll be packing up my books and DVDs, and my Christmas decorations are remaining in the bin. My Christmas sweaters and dresses will get some airtime, but I’m not as festive as I desire to be. It can’t be helped.
This is where you come in. I have pulled together this list of wonderful Christmas things to do and see and read. Go forth and do these things. Think of me, fondly. Know that I am Christmas-ing with you in spirit.
Movies
The Santa Clause (1994)
I kicked off my Official1 Christmas movie watching on Sunday evening, with a true classic from the ‘90s: The Santa Clause. A 1994 film about how a divorced dad startles Santa off the roof and becomes Santa Claus himself. My dad, a watcher of Home Improvement back in the day, brought home a cassette copy of this movie he borrowed from a friend in December of 1995. I was four, and I thought it was magical. The second one is fine, but there’s basically no reason to watch any of the related movies and TV shows after that. The first one’s magic holds in how you have a bit of lore, not exhaustive lore. I’m not a big Home Alone person. The Santa Clause is the Christmas movie which firmly dates me.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)
I only acknowledge one version of the Grinch and this is it. Why were others made when we already had perfection? The Benedict Cumberbatch one doesn’t make me want to gouge out my eyes, unlike the Jim Carrey one, but why would you watch those when you could watch a tidy 26 minute version that says everything it needs to say? It’s narrated by Boris Karloff! It has classic animation! It has the great June Foray and was directed by Chuck Jones (and Ben Washam)! The screenplay was actually written by Dr. Seuss! I rest my case.
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)
Just an exquisite holiday special. A talking snowman, an elf who wants to be a dentist, the Island of Misfit Toys? All flawless. This is actually a fairly unhinged kids’ Christmas movie if you really watch it and very little of it makes any kind of sense but I’m always on board.
A Christmas Carol (1951)
The 1951 version of A Christmas Carol, uncolourized (remember when they used to colourize black and white films because we needed colour for our poor modern eyes or something?), starring the great Alastair Sim as Scrooge is my top Christmas movie. Nothing touches it in quality and everlasting hilarity. We used to hunt for it in TV listings every year, and later, my dad would start PVR-ing it. It was always on at like 10PM on Christmas Eve, and we like sleeping, you know. A couple of years ago, I bought a DVD and BluRay bundle, and gave the DVD to my dad so we may have this definitive version any time we like.
The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)
The Muppets didn’t have to go so hard with this one. While it’s not the classic version of the story, it’s still pretty great. The songs are hilarious, there are so many quotable lines, and even the vegetables sing and insult Scrooge. And the way Michael Caine played this so straight! Impeccable.
A Christmas Carol (2009)
Wow, a modern choice from me. But not really because it’s still A Christmas Carol. Yes, I watch three different versions of this movie every year. What of it? This is a stunning animated version, and while I don’t like Jim Carrey, his voicing of Scrooge in this is really well-done.
Frosty the Snowman (1969)
If you do not sing along to the theme song while watching this, you are a monster. That is all.
I enjoy plenty of other Christmas movies - Charlie Brown, of course! - but these ones I absolutely have to watch every year.
Books
A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens (1843)
Why yes, after I watch my three different versions of A Christmas Carol, I go read the source material. Listen, this is possibly the single greatest Christmas story to ever exist and I love it more than anything. I re-read it every year (after watching all the versions). I have the Project Gutenberg ebook on my ereader, and I got this cloth-bound collection a couple years ago. You know, in case there’s an emergency and I lose access to this public domain title.
Christmas is actually the spookiest of seasons and A Christmas Carol is the most famous example of that.
The British Library collections
The British Library has put out several collections of Christmas ghost stories, based on the above, and they’re all very spooky and seasonal. Highly recommend them all!
The Penguin Book of Christmas Stories
“Uh, Alison,” you say, “not all of us really need 12 collections of Christmas stories, we’re not all you.” Fair point, friends. If you only have room for one collection of Christmas stories in your life, I recommend this one. It covers the full run of Christmas stories, ghostly and all, and the clothbound edition is lovely.
Christmas With Anne and Other Holiday Stories
Someone probably bought this collection for me entirely because it references Anne of Green Gables. Sure, whatever. The Anne story is merely the chapter about Anne’s new dress, but there are plenty of other seasonal Mongomery short stories in this collection. If you do track this down, you’re looking for the hardcover. There’s a rip-off version that doesn’t have all of the stories in it. Find the hardcover. My original copy remains at my parents’ (maybe), so I tracked down a new one for myself. Worth it.
Food
Ganong’s Chicken Bones
This is a Maritime staple. I feel like if you didn’t grow up with these, you’re never going to get the appeal of bright pink cinnamon candy with a sliver of unsweetened chocolate in the middle. Being a…many generation-Maritimer, I love these things so much that when a local distillery started making Chicken Bone Liqueur, I bolted to get a bottle. I still keep a bottle around. Also, should I just buy this?
Robertson’s Barley Toys
I’m a simple person, I developed my tastes and personality as a toddler and then refused to ever change. I love barley toys, for all that they’re just sugar in weird shapes. I have a container in my fridge from last year because my brother got me a container after I’d already bought one. I am ready to eat them all.
Mints (specifically spearmints and wintergreens)
My parents moved down the street from two couples roughly the same age as their parents, who immediately took them under their wings (oddly enough, one of these couples was the parents of a good friend of theirs from university. This was not planned). The women both sewed and crafted, and took it upon themselves to civilize my parents, who did not have nearly enough knickknacks in their home. And they made and gave us hundreds of beautiful Christmas ornaments and statues and dishes and so on. One year, we got a candy dish from one of them (or possibly someone else who saw their example and thought they needed support). We did not do candy dishes. Leaving candy just out? Unheard of. But we were older now, and after some hemming and hawwing, my dad went to Bulk Barn and filled the dish with green spearmints. A tradition was born. Both he and I fill our coat pockets from the dish when we leave the house in the winter, and I plan to do the same. The mint selection has varied depending on availability, but I’m partial to the spearmints and wintergreens.
Chocolate initial
I am 32 years old, and every Christmas, for as long as I remember, my parents get us chocolate initials. There is always an A in my stocking, the brand has varied based on availability but usually European chocolate of some kind. My partner has received his own initial from them for some years now too. Looking forward to biting off chunks of an A again this year.
Caramels
I actually was never really into caramels until I started making my own. I’ve been making a few different flavours for several years now, and last year, my parents told me they’d buy butter and cream for me to make some. Message received. So even though I’m moving a few days before Christmas, I’ve been making batches of caramels to have available for family members who will be helping me move.
Eggnog (or dairy-free alternatives)
When I was 3 and a half, my mom got mono. She was very sick, and my grandmother came to look after my brother and I. My mom was so weak that she struggled to eat, and to get something into her, my grandmother would make eggnog. It was delicious. She would pour a little bit for me into my blue Tweety cup, but never let me drink as much as I wanted (something about raw eggs and me being a very small child). I have dreamed about this eggnog for literal decades at this point; my grandmother didn’t make it in the final years of her life, and I thought about it regularly between seasons. Store-bought scratches the itch, but I’m lactose-intolerant now, and so I’ve had to switch to dairy-free alternatives. I love nog. I have a carton of oat nog in my fridge right now.
If you don’t celebrate Christmas, but do celebrate other holidays at this time (I’m aware not all of us are culturally Catholic, such as myself), know that I would love to celebrate with you but I have ninety-seven boxes of books to pack. Next year, I promise! And if you don’t celebrate any holidays at this time of year, I hope any December rituals you do have go well.
NOTE: a lot of people like to do charitable works in December. If you’re looking for one and have means or extras, may I suggest contacting your local jail or prison and seeing if they have need of books or puzzles, things like that? After seeing my pile of books in my last post, a friend suggested I donate them to the local women’s jail/youth centre. I contacted the jail and they were extremely excited to receive a donation. I dropped them off last Friday, and the officer I spoke with told me they were in need of new books for the incarcerated folks there, and everyone would be very happy. I’m happy too. Everyone deserves good books.
I have popped on the Netflix Hallmark Christmas movie ripoffs, but those don’t count. No one really watches those.
This is "Muppets Family Christmas" erasure.
I think you should bring out the decorations once you’re in your new place and have Christmas in January.
PS: please eat some Ganong’s chocolates for me.